Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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