I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
