There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
