Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
