Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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