This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
