Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
