Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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