So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
