awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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