Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
