there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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