how can u be prego again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
