if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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