I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize