Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
