One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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