found the other keg... it's in the tree
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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