I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
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