In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
