You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
