Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
