in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
