bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
