Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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