wanna go halves on a baby?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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