Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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