the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
