Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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