i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize