he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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