Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
