I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
