Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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