porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
