He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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