Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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