No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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