yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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