I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
