thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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