Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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