It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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