So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
