I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
