last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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