My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize