Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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