ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize