Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
