shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
