It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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