you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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