I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
