hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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