Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
