one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
