I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize