I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
