I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
