Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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