whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
