You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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