Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
