the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
