I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
