you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Boobs speak an international language.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
