That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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