Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
