I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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