Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
