I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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