She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
