like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
