We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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