I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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