I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
