Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
