it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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