So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
