My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
